The Inmates Run the Asylum

People are pissing me off left and right today. I want to say it's me, that I've got a touch of the PMS, but no. I think it's everyone else.

Most of it is on Facebook. It's gotten me to the point that I'm wondering why I'm even on there. That's not true. I know why I'm on there. It's to play games.

I wonder why I'm friends with these people. Most of them I went to school with. Some of them I actually liked in high school. Now I'm finding it hard to tolerate some of them.

I'm going to just start hiding people. It avoids the drama of unfriending, but brings some damn peace and sanity to my FB.

That's right. Banishing people to the cornfield isn't just for Cardinals fans during baseball season anymore (though so many of them are on the top of my list).

Last February I developed a new fitness routine based on the Body Block shown on Fit TV. I'd do the Monday dances, the Tuesday kickboxing/sculpt/pilates, and the Thursday Bollywood dance. On Wednesdays I'd do my own belly dancing routine and on Fridays, I'd do my own yoga routine. Despite the fact that my pants are still too tight, I liked the routine and felt like it worked for me.

I should have known that my nice routine would be short lived.

Because Oprah took over Discovery Health to form her own network, a bunch of Discovery Health programming got shifted to Fit TV and my Body Block is no more. Now they show it at 5 in the morning and that's it. Apparently, Oprah was misinformed and in fact, not everyone in the US owns one of them there fancy DVRs.

So now I'm doing my best to keep my routine by doing a lot of the routines from memory and upping the intensity when I can.

What makes this sting worse is that this problem was caused by a woman that is all about weight-loss and fitness.

In lucky news, I won another free ticket on my scratch offs. This brings my winning ticket total to six. I'm a little worried, though, because up until now I've been getting two tickets. I hope getting just one won't mess up the lucky winning mojo.

Of course, if I win the Mega Millions tonight, I won't worry about it.

I'm depressed. I admit it. It's not an earth-shattering depression. It's nothing like when I went crazy...what?...10 years ago now? Yeah, that's about right.

The thing about me being depressed is that I get vicious. Does that happen to anyone else? I know other people on my flist have dealt with depression. Is this a common thing or am I suffering from a unique snowflake complication?

I have enough trouble being nice as it is because I have no tact gene and I've got a spiteful streak like you wouldn't believe. But, when I'm depressed, I have absolutely no patience for anyone. I have no tolerance for anyone. And I find myself biting my tongue and using my backspace a lot more often because the urge to verbally eviscerate someone is overwhelmingly strong. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm unhappy, and now you're running your mouth. I'm going to make you bleed.

The longer I go on like this, the worse I get. I know all of the logistics of it, but there's something evil inside of me that just wants to open my mouth and let it fly, consequences be damned. I feel a deliciously wicked cackle bubbling in my throat, itching to come out.

Freud said that depression is anger turned inward. Well, I had it drilled into my head not to be selfish, so rather than keep that anger all to myself, I want to share it.

Basically, I want to cut a bitch.

Knowing me as well as I do, I probably will before all is said and done and I get back on the healthy mental path.

And as someone who stopped hiding their bad qualities and who has been told that my redeeming qualities are few and far between, I probably won't feel one bit bad about it either.

I'm not bragging. Just telling the truth.

In one of the freakest and most unusual baseball injuries, Cubs rookie outfielder Tyler Colvin got stabbed just below the collarbone by a piece of flying broken bat as he ran from third to home (he scored, btw; walked off the field under his own power). After some tense innings of hearsay and whatnot, it was confirmed that he went to the hospital, got stitched up, and because the bat did puncture the chest wall, they put in a chest tube to make sure his lung didn't collapse (he never experienced any trouble breathing). He'll be in a hospital in Miami for 2 to 3 days and is expected to be just fine. His season, however, is over.

I'm glad to hear he'll be okay. He's been a dynamo for us this year and he's had a hell of a season. It's a shame his season had to end in such a bizarre way.

However, the flailing done by the fans on Twitter just got on my nerves. Not the concern (except by the little girls upset that their woobie was hurt; that will always grate on me and I'm not afraid to say so), but the overall blowing up of the drama brought on by people who clearly don't watch enough accurate medical shows.

It's a chest tube, not a traech tube. He's not breathing through it. It's in to make sure what little air that got in the lung cavity gets out and the pressure remains stable so his lung doesn't collapse. His lung never collapsed and he never had trouble breathing, according to several reports.

He wasn't impaled, he was punctured. Impaled implies that the bat was still in him. It wasn't (though I don't doubt that he didn't have some splinters removed). Even though his chest wall was punctured, the hole was pretty small. It's not like he had a gaping wound.

(To be honest, the cynical part of me thinks that if he didn't have insurance, they probably wouldn't have put the chest tube in. They probably would have watched him overnight and if all was well in the morning, they would have discharged him and sent his bill to collections.)

And finally, he can still be a vampire because in order to kill a vampire you have to stake him through the heart! Seriously people. A vampire doesn't keel over if he gets a splinter. There's a certain amount of strategy and technique required to killing one.

Yes, that last one did come up repeatedly.

Seriously, Cubs fans. Settle your teakettles (thanks for that saying, luchalibrarian). It was a bizarre accident. It was scary, but it's over now. Colvin was never on death's door. He's going to be fine.

And probably always remembered for this.

I know this means nothing to any of you, but to even begin to broach this on Twitter (and as you can see, 140 characters could in no way contain this rant) would be like spitting in the ocean.

But at least I got it out of my system. I feel better now.

I watched Castle, but missed part of it because I was sideshow spectacle for a brief period. So, I'm not going to go into detailed ramblings. But I can say that what I did see, I liked quite a bit. Looking forward to the season finale next week.

Speaking of TV shows, I spent all day yesterday watching a Golden Girls marathon. Time well wasted. But, Carrie and I were talking and we came to the agreement that it would get no play today.

It was clever and funny and touching and sweet and smart, but it featured four old ladies (who were fantastic and had amazing chemistry) and that's just a sin in this day and age. Everything is geared to this younger demographic and as such, only young women need apply. I'm not counting Desperate Housewives because the raunch and sex is geared toward the younger set.

The Golden Girls appealed to people from 8 to 80. Three or four generations could sit in one room and watch that show and laugh (albeit, they might be laughing on different levels...I can honestly say I didn't get some of the jokes until I was in my twenties). What show can lay that claim today? Bonus points if it four women over the age of 50 are the leads.

There's a reason why I prefer watching reruns over most of the new stuff on TV today and why I'm reluctant to give new shows a try. Too many shows today are lacking that quality that make the reruns so good.

Get on that TV people. I'm just saying.