The Inmates Run the Asylum

The highlights of my birthday weekend trip to Chicago with luchalibrarian are on my blog. In short, I had a fantastic time and I'm looking forward to doing it again next year.

Pictures from the trip will be up on the blog Friday.

If this is how I can celebrate getting older every year, then I can dig it. For sure.

Carrie and I went to see The Three Muskateers last night. I think this might be the first movie I've seen in the theater this year. I can't remember seeing anything else.

Because we didn't do anything for her birthday, I promised her that I'd go see a movie with her (something I rarely do) provided that it wasn't of the Twilight variety. She agreed and soon the trailer appeared online for Muskateers and that became her film of choice. I agreed because the trailer she showed me involved Ray Stevenson twiddling his mustache and nothing says, "I'll pay six bucks to see that" for me like mustache twiddling.

I wasn't being sarcastic.

Last night was the first Thursday that the two of us had available to go (we hit the matinee shows on Thursdays because the tickets are 6 bucks and Thursday is bring your own bucket for free popcorn day) and it was also the last day the Eagle was showing it, so it was great timing on our part.

There were only three of us in the whole theater. And the other lady that watched the film sat far enough behind us that she wasn't forced to listen to us do our version of MST3K during the film.

To be honest, the movie wasn't bad if you like bad things (I love bad things). Yes, some of the dialogue was physically painful and the slow motion during the actions scenes was a little annoying and no one brushed D'Artagnan's hair for the duration of the film and there was no real rule for accents, but despite its flaws it was fun. The Muskateers together and Porthos alone had some witty dialogue, the actions scenes for the most part were well done, and Orlando Bloom continues his role in life as Captain Obvious but with the added bonus of making expressions with his face. That all pretty much makes up for it.

If you went to the movie to see some historically accurate, enlightened and faithful rendering of The Three Muskateers, no doubt you would have been seriously disappointed (but, really, the 3-D aspect should have clued you in before you even bought the ticket, so I'm not feeling that sorry for you). D'Artagnan spends most of the movie sporting a 17th century Member's Only jacket. I rest my case.

Speaking of the 3-D, I don't know how anyone could watch that movie that way. It seems like an invitation into motion sickness and vomiting into the popcorn buckets. And I did not bring my bucket for that.

Rumors of the closing credits song being terrible are true. Carrie and I sat through the entire thing and the rest of the credits to find out who was responsible. And then it was decided that the only way the song could have been worse was if Nickelback had done it.

This movie isn't going to end up on my favorites list, but I will admit, it will be one that I watch every time it comes on TV.

The mute button will come in handy.

It's also worth noting that we saw trailers for the latest Spielberg tearjerker; some sci-fi movie with electricity sucking aliens that would have been better done in the 40's with Lon Chaney Jr. as the hero; Sherlock Holmes (MUST SEE!); and Breaking Dawn, which Carrie immediately apologized for. As well she should.

-I watched Thundercats this morning. Awesome.

-Yesterday was the jinx of all days. Nothing went right, including a flat tire on the way to corporate for a meeting and me getting a sunburn in a weird spot on the ride up.

-I got hustled at Memory by a six year old today.

-Because of YouTube surfing with my nieces, this is my new favorite thing.

-I also spent some time watching Weird Al videos. The man will always be a genius to me.

-Worst part about this heat wave? It's been too hot for me to use my hula hoop.

Yesterday, Marvin prank called me. He acted like he was a customer wanting to know where his delivery was. He sounded like Bobcat Goldthwait.

This is the same driver that called me up and told me it was an obscene phone call and proceeded to say the word "obscene" several times before realizing he was suppposed to add in some heavy breathing.

Phone calls from Marvin are never boring.

I ended up having dinner and a bit of a girl's night with Carrie, Haley, and Andi. We went to El Rey's, ate well, discussed my future as a porn star, took pictures, discussed the merits of our waiter, spoke Spanish, and in general, had a fab time.

We then took the party back to my house.

Well, part of the party. Haley had to run out to her Dad's house to get her son's bowling shirt and ended up having to pause for a poo while she was there. She then texted Andi a picture of herself on the john (with her step-mom's dog on her lap). Andi then posted it to Facebook. And then there was a long and involved discussion about bowel movements and passing gas.

We are classy, classy people.

Then Haley and Andi filled us in on a bunch of gossip about life in our small town. It's like Jerry Springer, only fewer strippers.

Speaking of strippers, Haley also recounted the story of going to a friend's bachelorette party. Yeah, they had a stripper. It was our town stripper, actually. As in, we see him all over town fully clothed. I guess when he left the party, he really did say, "See you around!" and he meant it. Yeah, that's not awkward at all.

We had a great time tonight. I guess we'll be doing it again next Friday at Haley's.

It was a good way to start off the month.

Albert: *leaving a message for his kids* Hello. I need someone to call me back. Bye. *hangs up*
Chad: *dials Albert's extension*
Albert: This is Albert.
Chad: I'm calling you back.
Albert: Not you! *hangs up*
Chad and I: *die laughing*

Cubicles. They make pranking easy.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with the ladies in the metal office. Between them and me (the lone girl in the transport company office), there are six of us. I've never worked at a place where the women were so outnumbered.

We went to a local tea house which is in an actual Victorian house. It's quite fancy. Even though I was in my good clothes, I felt terribly under dressed. I also felt like I didn't have the manners or breeding to be there, either. The food was good, though. And they have the neatest gift shop upstairs. I had a good time.

Fridays are fun because the drivers are all ending their trips for the weekend, so we've got a flow extra guys in the office. We have a driver named Stephen. It's always sunny in Stephen's world. Stephen is going to Mexico for vacation, the lucky bastard. Despite the thousands of miles he's logged on the road, he hasn't flown since 1987.

So he was asking us about security and whatnot. Several questions had to do with checked luggage and bomb sniffing dogs.

The whole time I'm thinking, "What are you putting in your luggage, Stephen?"

With Stephen, it's hard to tell. He probably wants to take his guitar with him. Or his unicycle. Or both.

Not kidding. He has both.

Albert leaves at four. Today, Chad left at four, too, leaving me to hold down the fort for half an hour. All was going smoothly until about five minutes before I was supposed to leave. One of our drivers, Marvin, called me. Albert had forgot to dispatch his next trip and he asked me if I could do it.

I'd never done it before (I'd been shown once), so I figured I'd give it a go. I found his trip, went to dispatch it, and it said that his current trip wasn't finished. Marvin told me that Albert dispatched new trips like that all the time, but since I hadn't done it before, I wasn't sure.

Marvin was nice about it. He offered to call Albert, tell him off for slacking, and have him call me and make sure I got it right. I hung up and told Ken that I was on overtime now. Kent laughed.

(Side note: it's very odd having conversations with all of those cubicles because it's all just disembodied voices. I'm still getting used to it.)

Albert called a minute later and assured me that it was okay to dispatch a trip that way. It was just a warning. So I did. Then he told me to check the dispatch. Apparently, it worked. I took a few extra minutes to wrap things up, but no one called back. I imagine I'll be getting some shit from Albert for it. Good natured shit, but shit nonetheless.

It'll be good times.

A short little ditty I forgot to mention yesterday...

I typically take the country roads to Papa's house, but since it snowed, I felt the Interstate would be safer and clearer.

Well, it wasn't safer for everyone.

About half-way there, traffic filtered into the left lane due to flashing lights on the shoulder and everyone slowed down (probably more to get a good look than for the cop). Someone had a little fender bender and two people were standing at the cop's car, talking into the window.

That's how I'd do it. Colder than a well digger's ass with the windchill hitting arctic numbers, I'd sit in my car, too. I didn't wreck my car. Why should I have to get out in the cold?

That's probably not what was happening, but it'd have been a whole lot cooler if it was going down that way.

Today was Hobbit's 7th birthday, so Carrie and I headed up north to celebrate with the girls. We had McDonald's and cupcakes. Hobbit got a new outfit, a new purse, a snowglobe, and Just Dance for Wii.

Naturally, we had to play Just Dance. Carrie wasn't feeling well, so she sat out. (Smurf was very concerned for Carrie's health; she told her to get lots of rest, drink water and orange juice, and keep a bucket next to her bed in case she threw up.) The girls were good. They shook their groove things. Mom did a challenge while sitting on the couch and won. It was hilarious. I had no trouble getting up and making an ass out of myself. I did pretty well. I'd say the girls get their moves from their Aunt Kiki.

Then we played Guitar Hero. I rocked "Walkin' on Sunshine" and "Honky Tonk Women". Smurf does really well on the easy setting because she just makes noises into the mic constantly and ends up with 100%. Hobbit really kicks it with the guitar.

Between playing guitar and dancing, I'm going to be hurting tomorrow.

It was a good birthday for Hobbit, I think. At least she was sweaty and smiling when we left.

That Just Dance is a great game.

Full house at my Aunt Jo's for Thanksgiving today. Aside from the usual crowd of me, Carrie, Dad, Aunt Jo, Nancy, Jake, and Papa, we also had Aunt Ruby, Uncle Harry, and cousin Chuck.

We watched the replay of a Cubs game from July and part of a replay White Sox game before we flipped over to the football.

The spread of food was fantastic and massive. We got a lot of leftovers to bring home, including a whole gooseberry pie. Uncle Harry and Chuck impressed Carrie by the amount of food they put away. We are a good eating family. It's just how we roll. Sideways, on the floor by the time it's all said and done.

After Carrie took Jake's phone and texted back and forth with a couple of his friends and I got off the phone with my sister, the table was cleared and the cards were brought out. Carrie, Aunt Jo, Jake, and I played several hands of Spit, as is our tradition. Aunt Ruby and Chuck both said that the game goes too fast for them. Papa agreed and said it he didn't like to play because we never let him have a turn.

Speaking of Papa, he was in good spirits today. Ate more than I've seen him eat in a while. He has a new dog since Sam died a few weeks ago. Her name is Emma and she's a real sweetie. He bought himself a Kindle. No, don't wait and let someone get it for you for Christmas or anything. Silly, Papa. At least we know that Amazon gift cards would be a good gift for him.

We stayed later than we usually do, but it was a good time.

I'm thankful for my family. They drive me crazy sometimes, but they're good people.

I'm thankful for my friends, too. You guys are rock 'n' roll 365 days a year and I appreciate you, even if I don't say it enough.

Other things I'm thankful for: my cats, our service men and women, anyone that had to work today, the Cubs, the Bears, laughter, having a roof over my head, having a car to drive, Twitter, my superpet Roscoe on Facebook, Halloween (movie and holiday), the Beard Twins, NaNoWriMo, Spit, sleeping, etc., etc., etc.

Speaking of sleeping, I plan on doing it well tonight. Good luck to anyone shopping (or working retail) tomorrow.