The Inmates Run the Asylum

Haley and I went to the Cornbelters game Saturday night. We had the scout seats which are padded, wider, and come with all you can eat and drink until the 7th inning. We did our best to eat our weight, but we failed.

It was Special Olympics night and to help raise money, the Cornbelters wore special jersies that were going to be auctioned off right after the game. I have a bit of a soft spot for the Special Olympics since it is such a good cause and since my cousin Todd (Down Syndrome) participated in so many of them. I also have a soft spot for some of the Cornbelters players, so I made up my mind before the game that I was going to try to snag a jersey (I also got in on the 50/50 raffle to make sure that they did get some of my money).

The bidding started at 75 bucks. I had 100 left over from the Cubs trip last weekend plus 20. Haley had 45. Together we decided we could make a run for a jersey and we decided to go for Mike Mobbs because a) he's one of our remaining favorites (they traded Keeble and Dunbar) and b) he has the best walk-up music of the bunch (Smells Like Teen Spirit).

He was one of the last jersies to go. Haley decided at the last minute that she couldn't justify it, but I was still in. I said I'd go as high as 100. Haley bid for me and it got to 100 pretty quickly. She looked at me. I raised my hand for 120. Someone else bid for 140 and Haley looked at me. I shook my head. She raised her hand for 160.

So we ended up winning the jersey for 160.

We got to go down to the field and he signed it for us and then took pictures with us. I didn't expect him to touch me, but he did. He put his hand on my back and I did likewise and I didn't mind at all. It's not every day that a good looking 22 year old puts his hand anywhere on me and same for the vice versa.

I'm currently in possession of the signed jersey. It was game worn and he played hard, so now my closet is currently smelling like Mike Mobbs.

But that's okay.

I don't mind my clothes smelling like good looking 22 year old guy either.

-I survived another week of work. I swear, it felt like every driver was running behind at some point this week and our Eastern plant has some of the most uncooperative, unhelpful people running it. They seem not understand that we can neither break the law or physics to accomplish what they want us to do. My attempts to force choke them were unsuccessful.

-Speaking of drivers, I failed to mention that Marvin took a hike on us. Shame. I really liked him. Left us in quite a big lurch which has contributed to our problems.

-In other driver news, Stephen hasn't been acting like himself the past several weeks. He's gone from happy-go-lucky and chatty to serious business and so short it was to the point of curt. Today he showed signs of his old self, actually talking to me for more than a split second hello. Albert tried talking to him, asked what's bothering him, but he insists it's nothing. It's been worrying us for a while, but maybe this turn means he's getting back to normal. I hope so.

-In non-work news, I got my hair cut. I went for a different style. It's awkward. It doesn't matter what style I choose, my hair chooses its own and it always takes me a few days to figure out how to work it. When it get it figured out, I'll have to post pictures of the style I picked and the style I ended up with. It'll blow your mind.

-There's been a change in our line-up going to Wrigley next Saturday. See, when Haley and I went to KC, Natalie was bummed she couldn't go. So we decided to go to Wrigley and take Haley's husband Matt. Well, Natalie's sister Sarah was bummed she couldn't go, so she started begging Matt to give her his ticket. He finally did. So it's going to be an all girl trip to Wrigley, a double sister feature (Haley's my sister from another mister, friends over 25 years now). Chicago has been put on notice.

-I think I might have a sinus infection. It's not pleasant and I'm treating it with irregation right now because I don't know what else to do for it without going to the doctor and I don't have time for that.

-Fun active sleeping period. I sleep with my penguin Quinn. Quinn wears a Cubs hat that was worn by a player (it's too big, but he wears it well). I had a dream about this Cubs player. Can't really remember the dream, but I did a fair bit of moving because when I woke up, the hat was gone. In a panic, I searched for it in the dark and found it...on the floor on the other side of my bed. No idea why it was there or how it got there.

-I also slept at least part of last night with my head at the opposite end of the bed, nearly in the window. Not the first time I've done that.

I think that catches things up.

I ended up having dinner and a bit of a girl's night with Carrie, Haley, and Andi. We went to El Rey's, ate well, discussed my future as a porn star, took pictures, discussed the merits of our waiter, spoke Spanish, and in general, had a fab time.

We then took the party back to my house.

Well, part of the party. Haley had to run out to her Dad's house to get her son's bowling shirt and ended up having to pause for a poo while she was there. She then texted Andi a picture of herself on the john (with her step-mom's dog on her lap). Andi then posted it to Facebook. And then there was a long and involved discussion about bowel movements and passing gas.

We are classy, classy people.

Then Haley and Andi filled us in on a bunch of gossip about life in our small town. It's like Jerry Springer, only fewer strippers.

Speaking of strippers, Haley also recounted the story of going to a friend's bachelorette party. Yeah, they had a stripper. It was our town stripper, actually. As in, we see him all over town fully clothed. I guess when he left the party, he really did say, "See you around!" and he meant it. Yeah, that's not awkward at all.

We had a great time tonight. I guess we'll be doing it again next Friday at Haley's.

It was a good way to start off the month.

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It's supposed to be hot as hell tomorrow (heat advisory in effect because the heat indices are going to hit 100) and my aunt has organized a family outing to see my great-aunt's horses and Haley and Diana want us to go out to their camp site to hang out.

These are two things that don't sound too pleasant in excessive heat. I'm just saying.

We had kind of a hair styling party over at Haley's house tonight. We picked up Mama Carla and took her over there so she could cut my hair, cut and color Haley's hair, and cut and fix Carrie's color.

Did I post about the adventures in coloring Carrie's hair? I can't remember. Long story short: Carrie was tired of being a dark blonde, wanted to go back to the lighter blonde of her youth, and after two tries, still came out a strawberry blonde, which she hated.

Up to speed? Okay.

So we went over to Haley's house to do all of that and Diana ended up showing up because she had no husband and no kid and didn't want to sit home alone on a Friday. Even though she didn't get anything done, it really was like a big ol' girl hair party.

Anyway, Mama Carla doesn't charge us for cutting our hair and only asks that we pay for the cost of the color since she gets the professional stuff, which is totally fair. But I like to give Mama Carla something for cutting my hair. Tonight I gave her a couple of packs of her brand of cigarettes for my hair cut.

I haven't used the prison bartering system since high school. Heh.

All in all, it was a good time and Mama Carla gave me a new a style that I look forward to playing with for the next couple of days.

Even if I end up not liking it (but I'm sure I will), at least it's short! After years of having my hair long, now I can't stand it when it gets much past my shoulders. Go figure.

Girls night was a blast. We ate. Andi and Diana drank. We sat out on the porch for three hours until we all started complaining about various body parts hurting.

Then Carrie called because some cop cars and a fire truck were down the street and we're all like "FIELD TRIP!" and we piled into two cars and headed to my house to scope it out like you do on a Saturday night in the middle of nowhere. Standing on the corner under the street light, pointing and talking, that kind of hicktown affair.

Turns out, it wasn't that interesting (hell, one of the cops left not too long afer we got there), so I called it a night. The rest of the girls (I found out from Mimzie) cruised the square a couple of times, checked out the old Dave's parking lot (the new cool hangout), and then the party broke up because, hell, it was after 11 and that's late nowadays.

After eight hours of questionable sleep (I had the weirdest dreams...weird even for me), I got up this morning and prettied up so Dad and I could head to the family reunion. I haven't been in a couple of years because I've been going to DragonCon.

I had a good time. The best part about the reunion, aside from tormenting cousins, is the food. It never disappoints. I thought someone was going to have to roll me out of there. So good.

I got to see a bunch of relatives that I haven't seen in awhile, though attendance was down a bit this year (speaking of relatives, someone has unearthed evidence that my great grandmother was third cousins, four times removed, with Zachary Taylor and Robert E. Lee...go figure). Had my picture taken I don't know how many times. It was starting to feel like the paparazzi invaded.

Mimzie brought the girls down and they had fun playing with the distant cousins they never see. I bet Smurf was asleep five minutes into the ride home. They played hard today.

Dad and I were among the last to leave, along with Papa, Aunt Jo, Nancy, Jake, Lucky, Sandy, Shug, Jason, Kelly, and Kelly's son whose name I can never remember. The handful of us were standing around getting ready to go when the sky finally opened up and we all got soaked in a downpour. Kelly had to ride home in it on his Harley. I laughed because he's one of the cousins I torment.

All in all, it was a good weekend.

Tomorrow, I don't plan on doing a damn thing.

Carrie and I met Haley, Mom, Mark, and the girls at the airport to pick up Mimzie. We got there only a few minutes before her plane landed. Good timing.

While Mom and Mark took Mimzie and Smurf to get Mimzie's rental car, Carrie, Haley, Hammie, Hobbit, and I waited for Mimzie's luggage. She explained that we wouldn't miss it because it looked like an ugly couch. It was the last one down the line, but there was no mistaking it and no one mistook it for their luggage. It indeed looked like a small cushion from an ugly couch.

Our group went to Olive Garden to wait on the other group. The host was completely caught off guard by our need for a big table for some reason, but he got us a nice one in an alcove. Smart move.

Once our entire group was assembled, our cute waiter Jeff began his ordeal of serving us. It's not that we're awful people and mean to servers. It's just that it's an assembly of smartasses. Expect endless jokes. He was very good natured about it, though, and seemed to enjoy our crazy-ass, sometimes loud table, even if Mimzie was stepping on his job a little bit (she's a waitress, she can't help herself). I'd have taken him home in a doggey bag.

Actually, it was a consensus from most of the girls at the table that Jeff was cute. Mom said she was going to ask him out, which got a good laugh until Haley suggested she should find out if he liked kids first. Then I'm sure we were heard outside.

It was a good time. The nieces were all well-behaved and actually quieter than most of the adults (I've got a loud cackle and so does Mimzie).

Haley's got dibs on Mimzie tonight and tomorrow. They're decorating for their 10 year high school reunion tonight and then going to it tomorrow.

However, Mimzie is coming over on Sunday to watch the Bears game.

'Cause that's how we roll.

Haley texted me with a picture of Emma wearing a White Sox shirt with the caption "Now there's an outfit!"

So I sent her a picture of me wearing my Cubs hat with the caption "Cute. But my hat is better."

And it all went downhill from there.

Nothing like a little sports rivalry between friends. Heh.

Haley played hookey from work today (she didn't really feel like going after her gyno appointment...I can certainly understand that), so we went to lunch at Snapper's, a local bar with awesome cheese sticks.

After lunch, she came back to the house and hung out with Carrie. My sister is supposed to be coming home next month for a visit. Haley got it into her head that since the two sets of sisters (me and Mimzie, Haley and her sister Andi) have all known each other for so long, we should get matching tattoos when Mimzie comes home.

And then the tattoo brainstorming began. What should we get that means something to all four of us? Here's the short list:

-Four spoons
-The queens from a deck of cards
-An umbrella
-A bean on a stick
-Poison (yes as in the band)
-A slip n slide (I said it would make a fantastic tramp stamp)
-Def Leppard lyrics
-A girl posing on a pole
-The Little Mermaid Castle (complete with penis tower)

All of those things are from our childhood and no, I won't explain any of them. It's funnier and less embarassing out of context.

We're doing all of this back and forth with my sister via text. She starts to get all prickly and then announces she's not coming home this summer because she can't afford it and when I offer to get her some money, she declines saying, "I don't need something else for y'all to hang over my head".

Cue the drama!

Growing up in the family I did, my claws instantly came out. But, the cooler heads in the room (Haley and Carrie) prevailed and I was kept from flying down to Texas and whipping my sister from one end of the state to the other.

What it boils down to is Mimzie is homesick and pissed at herself that she failed at saving enough money to come home on her own dime. The whole point of her going down south was to turn her life around and here she is still unable to save the nickel she needs. Pity parties in my family are very hostile affairs for anyone who attends, willingly or no.

But, using Haley as the mouthpiece (it's hard for Mimzie to be prickly with or turn down Haley), we got Mimzie to back down, found her a good deal, and we're getting her home.

Good deal.

So, yeah, today has been surprisingly productive.

No wonder I'm exhausted.

I actually have plans for tonight other than sitting in my room, fighting the cats for my bed, and watching Britcoms (to be fair, I love doing that, though...except for the fighting with my cats part).

Haley's having a low key girl's night at her house. Girls only! It's BYOB, but she's making Jello shots. Which I will not be partaking in. Nothing to do with the alcohol content, everything to do with my hatred of Jello. Makes me gag just thinking about it.

Should be a good time, though at present the guest list doesn't suggest that it will be a late night, which I'm cool with.

Carrie's going to, but after Harper's Islands. Apparently, it's the last episode and she has to see how it ends.

I'm making her drop me off before the show because I care less about how the show ends and more about getting my drink on.

It'll only be a little drink, but it'll be mine and I will love it.