The Inmates Run the Asylum

Carrie and I went over to Haley's last night to play cards with her and Diana. It was supposed to be an early night, but then a friend I haven't seen since probably high school, Amanda, showed up and we ended up staying until almost 2.

Man, it was a good time.

My throat and my ribs hurt from laughing.

Haley handled a bottle of Boone's Farm and then decided we needed to go on a liquor run to get another bottle. Had it not been for Carrie, she would have forgetten that her children were asleep upstairs and best not left alone. I'm sure it would have dawned on her before she left, but it was funnier this way.

During the course of the evening, Amanda ranted about her beer belly ("I earned this twelve ounces at a time!") and her double chin ("I need a hoodie"). Diana kicked our asses at Spit the first time she played it. Carrie and I ate most of the bucket cookies ("You should not have left them between two fat girls. I'm just saying."). Amanda, Diana, and Haley got caught in a downpour on their liquor run. Because it had rained in Amanda's passenger side window, Diana and Haley sat in the back, which led to Haley telling Amanada that she was driving Drunk Daisy.

After they got back, we had a tornado warning. Once it had passed, Haley got into the second bottle of Boone's Farm and started drunk texting and drunk Facebooking. She danced to Justin Bieber and generally made an ass out of herself, but to be fair, a lot of these things she'd have done sober.

In short, the evening achieved levels of hilarity that I've not experienced in a long time. The "hangover" we all have today (in Haley and probably Amanda's case literal) is so worth it.

I can't wait to do it again sometime.

My little hick town ended up having their fireworks display last night. Carrie and I went and watched them from the Wal-Mart parking lot like we usually do. I cannot remember the last time I had to wear a jacket on 4th of July.

It rained almost all day, quitting a few hours before dusk, when the fireworks were scheduled. It was still cloudy though. It was a good show, but some of the higher fireworks got lost in the clouds. It was kinda neat. You'd see it go up and then the cloud would light up some color.

Carrie said that we now know what an alien invasion would look like. It did have that kind of eerie quality.

The parking lot wasn't as full as it has been in the past and some jackass took that as an invitation to set off some fireworks of his own. We're talking big ol', bad ass rockets that went off about twenty feet directly over our heads. Fireworks are pretty until they're raining down on you.

After the show, we went to Dairy Queen to try the new Tagalong blizzard (OMG SO GOOD!) and ate it in the parking lot, watching traffic thin out.

Like I said, hick town. Lots of my life has been spent hanging out in parking lots.

As far as I know, our postponed 4th of July poker party should be happening tonight. Unfortunately, I don't think I got the amount of sleep required for a night of cards and booze.

Caffiene, I'm on my way.

I was too tired after the poker game last night to make an entry, so I just jotted a bunch of notes down on a post-it so I wouldn't forget.

We set up outside because it was so nice out. Damon brought over a card table and chairs and we set up by the garage so we could get some light after the sun went down. There was a snack table, a radio playing nothing but 80's music, and booze in the fridge and three of us sitting around a card table trying to figure out how to divvy up the chips. It was math, it was hard, and we were sober so it took us several tries and many minutes to figure it out.

Haley and Matt showed up and we got down to business with the drinking and the poker. A neighbor behind was having a house warming party, I guess (I know they just moved in not too long ago). It was nothing but skinny girls drinking water, grilling chicken, and eating veggies. An impromptu, imaginary rivalry began with the skinny girl party. The skinny girls had to go in at dark and had weird smoke breaks in which they'd stand outside the backdoor with their cigarettes lit while still talking to the people inside.

Our party, the fat girl party, had junk food, booze, Def Leppard, and a light saber battle. The fat girl party clearly won.

We taught Haley how to play five card draw, five card stud, and Texas Hold 'Em while Matt taught us how to play Screw Your Neighbor and Between the Sheets (I ruled at Between the Sheets). Haley got so flustered about messing up one of her hands by throwing away the wrong card during a hand of five card draw I told her to have a Combo to calm her nerves. That became the catchphrase of the night. Anytime things got too wild, someone told someone else to have a combo. Heh.

During the hands, Haley and Carrie explained the rules of jewelry to Damon and Matt; Carrie and Haley screamed and dodged June bugs (they didn't bother me or the guys); and Spot puked in the window. The 80's music caused chair dancing and flashbacks. "Steven knows a fourteen year old girl's pain," Carrie said when Aerosmith's "Angel" came on. Haley threatened a t-shirt bra (remember those? tying up your shirt to look like a bikini top) if they played Poison (they didn't play it until after she and Matt left...I thought about calling her to make her own up). Carrie and I giggled ourselves into oblivion at Michael Jackson's "Beat It". Matt told us to leave the Van Halen songs to David Lee Roth.

We were having such a good time that Haley got their "curfew" extended (she asked her mom if she could watch the kids a little while longer). In the end, Haley gloated about winning more money than Matt, a whopping seven cents. We're tentatively scheduled to do it all again sometime next month.

Damon, Carrie, and I played another couple of hours after they left, seeing Damon once again go to the brink and come back again. He left with twenty-six cents. I was the night's big winner (for once). I walked away with three dollars and ten cents and the nickname Scrooge McDuck because of the stacks of chips I had.

It was a fantastic birthday-eve for Carrie. Today, her actual birthday, has proven to be much more mellow, lounging and reading. I'm making double decker tacos for dinner and maybe we'll have time for some frisbee before the sun goes down.

Great way to end an weekend.