whiski_sour | From the files of conversations that could only happen at my house

The trials and tribulations of doing the last minute finishing touches on my Halloween costume...

Me: Dad, do we have any black spray paint?
Dad: Maybe. Why?
Me: 'Cause I need to paint something. Oh, and do you have a shoulder holster?
Dad: Not for you. You didn't get dressed yesterday. You were in your pajamas all day.
Me: I put a bra on! That counts!

I went out to look for black spray paint in the garage, but couldn't find it. So I came back inside...

Me: Dad, if we had black spray paint, where would it be?
Dad: In the can.
Me: One would hope. But where in the garage would this can be?
Dad: On a shelf.
Me: Oh, that narrows it down. We've only got 16 shelves crammed with shit.

Dad goes to the garage with me to look for the black spray paint...

Dad: See! It's right here in this box marked "basement floor covering". I can't believe you couldn't find it. Where else would it be?
Me: In our house? Is this a trick question? It could have been under the kitchen sink next to the potatoes.
Dad: But it wasn't. What are you painting?
Me: My gun. I got it for a buck at the dollar store, but it's funky colored. I couldn't find a black one.
Dad: I see.
Me: Do you have a shoulder holster I could borrow or not?
Dad: Yeah, I've got two. They're in the basket by my bedroom door. But, they're for automatics.
Me: *slow blink* Yeah, I think a CAP GUN will fit in it just fine.

So, I put the first coat of paint on my gun and went inside to find a shoulder holster...

Me: Clothes...belt...OW! TOMAHAWK...shoulder holster. Excellent.

Yeah, this costume has no choice but to be awesome now.