Random talk from the past few days

[whiski_sour]

Steve: Do you wanna see my right nipple?

Me: *shows Susan, Steve, and Felicia pictures of my wild hair colors* That's before I had my breast reduction.
Steve: You were definitely in no danger of drowning.

Angie: He's kinda...
Me: In need of two brain cells to rub together to form a thought.
Angie: Yeah.

April: I'm gonna be 19 this month.
Me: I remember 19. Vaguely.
DJ: Sure you do. *holds hands about 19 inches apart*

Me: *wearing a wifebeater/button down shirt combo that made my boobies look lovely*
DJ: Jump up and down.
Me: Honey, if I jump up and down, it'll be more than my titties shaking.
DJ: Baby got back.
Me: I got a whole lot more than that.
DJ: I don't care. I'm married. I don't have morals. It just has to have a pulse. And somedays, not even that.



Amanda: I like your hair, Matti.
Me: Do you think she should be in a shampoo commercial?
Yolanda: Like that one commercial with those women. *mimes ecstasy*
Me: Herbal Essence.
Emma: You can't get an orgasm in the shower.
Me: Not with shampoo.
Amanda: Unless you hold the bottle right.

Stratka: *explains our quote speech*
Cole: Can a bible verse be considered a quote?
Stratka: Sure.
Mary: Oh, Jesus.
Amanda: That could be who he's quoting!

Brandi: *critiques Clint's speech and she seems inable to find or express any good points*
Cole: Well, you did a speech.

Yolanda: *walking out for break, stops behind me* There's Emma, Miss Sunshine. *pets my hair* And here's Miss Death.

Chelsi: Everytime I see ads for the show "Bones" I think of you.
Me: Yeah, I get that a lot. I've had people call me up and say, "I just saw a bloated, dead body in a bathtub and thought of you".



Dad: *watching Lost* I'd kill half the people on that island. Not Hurley. But I'd slit that one guy's throat.
Me: What one guy?
Dad: I don't know his name.
Me: Describe him for me.
Dad: He's the jackass.
Me: Totally doesn't help.
Dad: Blonde hair.
Me: Saywer? Longish blonde hair? Scruff?
Dad: Yeah, him. I'd slit his throat, cut him down to his groin, cut his legs and arms and make a maggot farm out of him.

Me: *doing homework* I've got to know statistics about murder. Well, all the victims are dead.
Dad: Nobody can be a victim of murder twice.
Me: I'm gonna fail this test.

Whatcha Doin' C'Mere: *sits on Dad's book and headbutts him*
Dad: Look, I can't look through your eyes and see out your asshole to read. Get off my book.

Comments

[hobbitgal.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD


You need to start collecting these conversations for a book...

[whiski_sour]

I think I'm gonna have to. Heh.

[one-more-cherry.livejournal.com]

*dies*

I love these dialouge snips.

Miss Death! We have a new monogram for your smock! ;-)

(Sidenote - mom says the column's due by Sunday. Perhaps I might see you Sat.?)

[whiski_sour]

I always knew I was Miss Death, but nobody's ever actually called me that.

I doubt I'll be around Saturday. I've got a ton of homework on top of the column to get done.

[butterflyflames.livejournal.com]

Miss Death, does that come with a severed femur, a sash made of human flesh, and a tiara of eyeballs and teeth?

Totally kick Miss Americas ass any damn day

[whiski_sour]

I also have a bouquet of spleens and kidneys.