whiski_sour | Johnny fell down after only fifteen

I got a phone call early this morning from Mummy. She puts Hammie on the phone and Hammie asks me to come visit her. So I did. Once I got there I discovered it was a carefully laid plan by my niece to have me take her to the park. Which I did. And, it went fairly well. There was only one instance of violence in which she smacked a kid on the head and he headbutted her for it. In response, she points at the kids and yells "Don't do that again!" Apparently, she missed the part in which she started it.

While at Mummy's, she showed me some stuff pertaining to our family history (specifically, her dad's side of the family). It gives me wonderful insight into my background as well as showing me that my family members name their children things like "Lester Al" and think it's a good idea.

Charlie fell over. Hurley fell over. Candy bar-hating girl's ability to speak French does not compensate for the fact that I still find her incredibly useless and she still hates candy bars and therefore should still be on the mauling list. Polar bear-killing man apparently has been using sand for lube, for he is quite cranky. I don't find it wise for pregnant girl to be accepting food from the guy who's rather mean to his lady friend and doesn't speak English because in that sort of situation you can't ask the important questions like, "What the shit is this?"

These sentences were most likely not grammatically correct.

I've decided that I will most likely not be submitting anything to that short contest as I never finished State Line and I'm finding everything else I've ever written to be complete garbage. I rule.

And, one last thing...

Dear Midol company:

I find your commercial depicting the amazement shared by two young ladies that their friend would wear a bikini during her period rather inaccurate. Not the bikini thing, per se, but the closing comment, something to the extent of the girls agreeing their friend is menstrual because she would "kill for a brownie".

I don't find that to be an accurate depiction of a symptom of being menstrual. Speaking from personal experience, I'd kill for a brownie even when I'm not stuffed to the brim with cotton.

So, really craving a brownie is not menstrual. Using a brownie as a deadly weapon, that's menstrual.

Please correct your commercial.

Thank you.

Chesh