I spare no one

I am not a nice person. I laugh at other people's expense. It's true. For example:

Carrie does the dishes and then goes upstairs. I decide I am in dire need of a peanutbutterjelly sammich. I make one and eat it while playing mah jong.

Carrie comes downstairs to wash her face and whatnot. She goes to the kitchen sink and sees the dirty knife and spoon in the sink.

Carrie: Did you use a knife and spoon?
Me: No.
Carrie: There's a knife and spoon in the sink. Did you use them?
Me: No.
Carrie: I swear I washed all the-
Me: *starts laughing*
Carrie: Oh you're an ass. I'm already crazy. I don't need help. I'm gonna poke you in your bursitis.

See. I am not a good friend. I torment my dearest, closest people for my own amusement.

This happens when you've been raised by hyenas.