The Inmates Run the Asylum

Spent my day celebrating my success at avoiding death for another year. I'm glad to be 33. I like three's. This feels lucky to me.

I spent the day indulging in my favorites. I ended up watching Halloween (1978) and The Fog (1980) (the latter courtesy of Carrie; she got me that and a Funko POP Usula doll for my birthday); an episode of The A-Team ("Bad Day at Black Rock"); an episode of MST3K ("Night of the Blood Beast"); two episodes of my current TV infatuation, Emergency! ("Virus" and "Breakdown"); and closed it out with an episode of The Monkees ("I Was a Teenage Monster"). I also watched Svengoolie (Island of Lost Souls) and finished reading Dead Until Dark.

It was a fabulous, relaxing, indulgent day. I appreciated every minute of it.

I'll do all of my partying next weekend at Cubs Con.

Carrie and I went to see The Three Muskateers last night. I think this might be the first movie I've seen in the theater this year. I can't remember seeing anything else.

Because we didn't do anything for her birthday, I promised her that I'd go see a movie with her (something I rarely do) provided that it wasn't of the Twilight variety. She agreed and soon the trailer appeared online for Muskateers and that became her film of choice. I agreed because the trailer she showed me involved Ray Stevenson twiddling his mustache and nothing says, "I'll pay six bucks to see that" for me like mustache twiddling.

I wasn't being sarcastic.

Last night was the first Thursday that the two of us had available to go (we hit the matinee shows on Thursdays because the tickets are 6 bucks and Thursday is bring your own bucket for free popcorn day) and it was also the last day the Eagle was showing it, so it was great timing on our part.

There were only three of us in the whole theater. And the other lady that watched the film sat far enough behind us that she wasn't forced to listen to us do our version of MST3K during the film.

To be honest, the movie wasn't bad if you like bad things (I love bad things). Yes, some of the dialogue was physically painful and the slow motion during the actions scenes was a little annoying and no one brushed D'Artagnan's hair for the duration of the film and there was no real rule for accents, but despite its flaws it was fun. The Muskateers together and Porthos alone had some witty dialogue, the actions scenes for the most part were well done, and Orlando Bloom continues his role in life as Captain Obvious but with the added bonus of making expressions with his face. That all pretty much makes up for it.

If you went to the movie to see some historically accurate, enlightened and faithful rendering of The Three Muskateers, no doubt you would have been seriously disappointed (but, really, the 3-D aspect should have clued you in before you even bought the ticket, so I'm not feeling that sorry for you). D'Artagnan spends most of the movie sporting a 17th century Member's Only jacket. I rest my case.

Speaking of the 3-D, I don't know how anyone could watch that movie that way. It seems like an invitation into motion sickness and vomiting into the popcorn buckets. And I did not bring my bucket for that.

Rumors of the closing credits song being terrible are true. Carrie and I sat through the entire thing and the rest of the credits to find out who was responsible. And then it was decided that the only way the song could have been worse was if Nickelback had done it.

This movie isn't going to end up on my favorites list, but I will admit, it will be one that I watch every time it comes on TV.

The mute button will come in handy.

It's also worth noting that we saw trailers for the latest Spielberg tearjerker; some sci-fi movie with electricity sucking aliens that would have been better done in the 40's with Lon Chaney Jr. as the hero; Sherlock Holmes (MUST SEE!); and Breaking Dawn, which Carrie immediately apologized for. As well she should.

As a proper A-Team fan, I was not pleased to hear of the big screen remake. I admit, I made an angry face and maybe some angry noises. And then after years in limbo, things progressed and the casting came out and my face went from angry to O_o because I was not expecting Liam Neeson (and I cannot spell the man's last night right on the first try; sorry about that Mr. Liam). And with all due respect to the nice people they hired to fill the iconic roles (though I don't know how Quinton "Rampage" Jackson would like being called nice since he's a retired UFC fighter, but if he doesn't like it, he can come find me and we'll sort it out), I was most definitely going to take a pass at this recent reimaging of my childhood.

I was firm in this until just a little while ago when I caught the end of a trailer for the movie.

I laughed. So help me, I laughed. And, unsurprisingly, at least for me, it was Murdock that cracked me up.

So now, I'm torn.

Now, I kind of do want to see it because it's entirely possible that it might be entertaining and they might have actually tried to capture the essence of the show and the chemistry of the characters without going too far into parody or too far into serious business.

BUT! Trailers are also designed to show off the best parts of the movie and sometimes what you see in the trailers are the ONLY good parts of the movie.

Also, I am quite firmly against encouraging this kind of behavior, ie, paying to see remakes. For example, I might be a little interested in seeing the new A Nightmare on Elm Street to see how Jackie Earle Haley (who I do love) interpreted the iconic Freddy Krueger, but I'll wait until it comes out on the TV. But I am almost willing to break this rule for A-Team.

The other strike against seeing the movie (in the theater, at least) is that Jessica Biel is in this movie for some reason and I find her to be a pretty big turn off. And if her role is as significant as I fear it is, then I don't want to see this movie without the option of scene selection.

So, yeah, that's my current superficial dilemma. Thankfully, I've got time to decide, since it doesn't open until June 11 (I think) and I'm not an opening day kind of girl anyway. I might wait until I see some reviews before I make a final judgment.

Damn you, trailer, for peaking my interest! *shakes fist*

I watched Ba'al: Storm God or God of Thunder or Whatever on SyFy today. Because it's Saturday and that's the kind of crap I watch on Saturdays.

Anyway, at the very beginning of the movie this group of people (and by group, I'm talking like twenty) find this relic while digging around like archaelogist type people do. Now, while they're all clustered around looking at this little disc, it shoots a green beam of light into the clouds, gives an old man a seisure, and start the earth doing an epic upheavel. This is all happening just in front of them and around them.

And everyone just looks mildly confused.

Children, that is not the appropriate facial expression for the CGI shitstorm happening all around you. I'm just saying.

I realize this is a SyFy movie, but damn, even the black hole/electricity entity mash-up of abomination had much better facial reactions to shit that was added in later.

Do more better next time. I'm looking at you, London twin.

( Just a few Sanctuary comments. )

I've given up on SGU. I watched The Wizard of Oz instead. I hope Rush and Eli do alright without me. Those were the only characters I even remotely liked.

Speaking of The Wizard of Oz, I realized watching it tonight that Smurf talks a lot like the Cowardly Lion. "Who's her? Who's her?" "Who's them? Who's them?"

Of course, when she's saying it she's less scared and more suspicious.

And a little threatening.

Carrie and I went to see Zombieland tonight. It was fantastic.

No spoilers, but it was funny, gory, clever, and suprisingly touching in a few places. Woody Harrelson could very well be a member of my family. Truly. I adore him.

Also, I loved the soundtrack. I love a movie with good music.

I'll definitely be owning this movie on DVD.

We also saw the trailers for Legion, Twilight:New Moon, A Nightmare on Elm Street, 2012, and Transylmania.

I have no interest in New Moon, but it seems the rumors are true and the Jacob boy never wears a shirt. Legion made me quirk an eyebrow. It's got an interesting premise, I'll give it that. 2012 and I got off on a bad foot when the trailer took over my TV and was on every other channel and seeing it in full just didn't mend the rift. I still like John Cusack, though. I'm pretty sure I saw all the funny bits of Transylmania in the trailer and there weren't that many. I laughed more at the Elmstreet trailer. There were Buicks and gratuitous Clancy Brown and dramatic!Freddy-sweater. I had no choice.

So, there's some trailers I can look forward seeing repeatedly on the TV until I curse the film makers and their publicists.

I'm already there with you, 2012. I'm already there.

I watched The Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. Well, most of it anyway.

Dad watched some old black and white movie about killer mold.

Guess who got the better deal on that one.

I'll give you a hint.

From the killer mold movie:

Doctor of Killer Mold: *looking at a pile of mold with a hand sticking out of it* I think the mold is carnivorous.
Dad: Really? Well, I see why you're the one with PhD.

From BW2:

Jeff (who oddly enough looked like he had some mold growing on his chin): This makes no sense!
Me: Yeah, I came to that conclusion about this movie a long time ago.

It's really hard to MiST a movie when you have no idea what's going on. And I had no idea what was going on. I don't think the writer did, either.

However, I get a bad movie reprieve because my favorite "we'll CGI your death later" movie, Pterodactyl, is on in a little bit. Now that's a movie you can MiST. Bonus David Nykl.

Hopefully, the killer mold movie will be on again soon, too. That's one I need to watch all the way through.

My Papa loves movies and because of that, I associate many movies with him.

I mention this because one of those movies was on tonight. Airport '75. I love all of the Airport movies, but that one makes me think of my grandpa. I can remember watching it with him at his house when I was much younger, probably around ten, maybe not even that. When I watch the movie now, that memory automatically pops up and gives me warm fuzzies.

I actually associate another disaster movie with Papa (well, two more if you count Waterworld as a disaster film). Earthquake. I can remember watching it with him at my house, both of us sitting on the floor while the "grown ups" talked. It was when Baby Jessica fell down the well because they kept breaking in the movie to give updates. I can still remember some of the jokes he made at the movie's expense.

I'm sure that most people wouldn't necessarily want to link their grandfather with a disaster movie or two, but it was through those movies that my Papa taught me a valuable life lesson.

Never get on a plane or be in California with George Kennedy.

I've been having wacked out dreams all week, usually more than one a night.

They've included parades, house parties, planes, dirty text messages, cats, elevators, overflowing bathtubs, fireworks, trying to get to school on time, high school math teachers, drum sets, dirty socks, and featured guest appearances by Aaron Douglas, Danny DeVito, Mike Farrell, Michael Weatherly, Sean Murray, and Wil Wheaton (allow me to clarify that no drugs were involved in the making of these subconscious films and I was not consulted on the casting either).

But last night was the ultimate. Last night was zombies. Not the classic slow moving zombies from Night of the Living Dead. Not the scary, fast moving zombies from 28 Days Later. Not even the zombies from Shaun of the Dead.

Nope, what I got was the zombies from Return of the Living Dead. If you've seen this movie, then you're probably giggling and saying, "Send more paramedics". If you haven't, then I have no idea what you do when there's nothing better on the TV.

I'll spare all of the details save this one boggling part. We decide our best bet is to fly away, so our little group gets on a plane. This very nice British guy and I go to check out the cockpit to find it's occupied by two talking skeletons. I turn to find that my companion has been attacked by two zombies and one of them rips his arm off at the elbow.

Horrible, right?

Yeah, except he keeps making polite conversation with the zombies while they're trying to eat him.

I look back at the skeleton pilots (who were probably doing schtick, I don't remember), look back at the Brit, and he's fine. The attacking zombies are gone, he's still polite, and he's duct taped his arm back on.

Feel free to reread that last bit as many times as necessary.

Apparently, my subconscious was just trying to reassure me that yes, duct tape really can fix anything.

Could you imagine what I'd come up with if I were on drugs?

I'm going to make a confession. I have two movies I consider guilty pleasures.

I am by no means a film buff. I like movies, but I consider it an open relationship. I see what I want, when I want, regardless of peer pressure. And more often than not, if you ask if I've seen it, I haven't.

Many of my friends have been horrified by this. And they all say the same thing: "But you should watch it! You'll like it!"

As much as I respect my friends, I think it's a little presumptuous of them to know what I like since I don't know what I like.

I'll watch any of the Friday the 13th movies, even the one I think is an abomination, but Scream didn't impress me. I love Clue, Murder By Death, and both Airplane movies, but I couldn't sit through Harold and Kumar and swear my friend JG owes me the two hours I spent watching American Pie. He also owes me for Forty Days and Forty Nights, Can't Hardly Wait, and Sugar and Spice.

I had to be woken up at the beginning of Spiderman, never saw the sequels, and have no desire to see Batman Begins or The Dark Knight. I own and repeatedly watch The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Hellboy, and the original 1960's Batman movie.

I hated American Beauty but saw Twister five times in the theater.

I've seen nearly all of John Wayne's westerns, but almost none of his war films.

I like Bridge Over the River Kwai, Dirty Dozen, and Kelley's Heroes, but never bothered with Saving Private Ryan or Sands of Iwo Jima.

I have no idea what Brotherhood of the Wolf was about, slept through most of The Bone Collector (in the theater), was more interested in the Scrabble game I was playing than The Bourne Identity, and contemplated suicide by the end of Someone Like You.

However, I have memorized The Princess Bride, will rearrange my schedule to watch the original version of The Fog, think Harvey is better than most films with CGI, have just christened A Dog's Breakfast as one of my go to movies, can understand Head, and the original Halloween is still my favorite.

When it comes to films, I have no rhyme or reason. It's part of the reason why I don't go to the movies much and why I prefer to watch movies on TV. I like the option of changing the channel and not wasting $7.50.

So you're probably wondering (if you made it through the wordiness) how I could have guilty pleasure movies when I'm so random with what I prefer. Well, they're guilty pleasures for me because I don't want to admit that I like them and watch them every time they're on the TV and don't want other people around when I watch them. That's why they're guilty pleasures.

( Two movies you've probably never heard of and can't imagine why I, of all people, would like them )